Outfit Post With My Head Crown

I cannot believe I forgot about these pics, had it planned out, and it went right out my head, literally. Then like light bulb ping, you haven’t posted this outfit. Here I am.

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You may notice the Happy Birthday headband, yep this was from my birthday celebration part two, you can read all about my birthday highlights click here. If you follow my blog my outfit consists of old clothing I’m afraid (mostly), it’s not always about current things in the shops. It’s about how you style yourself. And I’m not going to allow lack of new things stop me from doing outfit posts, as I enjoy them. And if things change, have new items, then heck I will show.

However the Happy Birthday headband is new, that’s from Forever 21. Fake Chanel studs, sorry I can’t afford the real things sadly, these were bought from Camden Market many moons ago, I think. My trusty Mac lipstick Ruby Woo on my lips. The poncho my friend bought it for me, when I was in hospital couple years ago, as had lack of clothes, truly grateful for, and no doubt you see’ll it again on here, the scarf from a dear friend, the necklace is from Italy, a present again but from family, ankle boots from a sale years ago from Barratts and I think that was part of Christmas present from my brother (running theme presents, oops, wasn’t intentional).Β Eyeliner- Make Up Gallery from Poundland shop. I kind of like the fact without even knowing it, have pop red to go a long with my wheelchair. Not that you need to know but red is one of my favourite colours. And yes make up fashion with being disabled isn’t dirty word, we like to look cute too.

If you done outfit post, please share your link in the comment section, I would love to check it out.

 

 

Hospital Appointments- Cardio (Heart) Tests.

I’m changing it up a little, as did promise early this year, that I’ll bring you with me to my hospital appointments, however due to moving twice and having so many appointments, couldn’t keep up. So now things are not so chaotic, I can actually bring you along, or at least give you summary of it. As think it’s important as lifestyle blogger, a disabled blogger, someone who suffers with different illnesses physically and mentally, means it can off set other problems at any given time, some even unnoticed. Whilst inpatient not long ago, click here if not read it, explains briefly why. Having routine check ups, something arises whilst having ECG test, I did think why is the lady coming back to do it again, they only do that, if notice something, it’s harmless test, have a couple of monitors attached you, to read your heart beat rhythm, doesn’t take long at all. Well they noticed slight rhythm wasn’t correct, simple terms for you and me, so that set alarm bells…

If you someone like me, who’s been around the block when it comes to tests, you have open mind, it’s like bring it on, I got this type attitude. Not on all tests certain ones does scare me, and some I never want again. They mention you having CT Scan, I’m like yeah ok, nil by mouth, of course the time you told not to eat or drink, the time you fancy cup of tea, or food, normally wouldn’t be bothered with the evening nil by mouth, it’s the morning one hits me more, due to the meds I’m on, I need breakfast, so going without, you just feel weak, when don’t eat with meds I feel sick, so the joys of that on top, makes for extra grumpy Lucy. As I was staying in neurological hospital, I had to go to hospital nearby, guess what, I was fast asleep, woken up, time to go now Lucy, it was hospital transportation, they was EARLY. Didn’t even get chance to brush my teeth, I know disgusting right, in my Harry Porter little PJ’s (partner is the fan, not me, sorry), I wasn’t ready. Guess what so early, not even the staff was there yet….

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Yep, it was like something out of horror film, nurse (from the ward came with me, for support) and we was just sitting there…..

Eventually staff starting coming in, by this point was already so tired before the test even began.

Bit more waiting, and the classic blood pressure machine, we’ve had ongoing relationship throughout the years, anyone who goes for tests, physical exam at the GP’s, been to A&E, inpatient you know the protocol.

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Then it was time.

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What wasn’t warn about, no one mention the extras, yes the dye, had that before, fine. Having a consultant over you, with all these liquid bags attached to me, you having beta blockers put in, asked me do you know what that is, any questions, honestly all could think about is need to pee, let’s get this test done, so I can go, honestly I wasn’t anxious, the time you expect me to be, I was un-bothered, I was more thinking how if I need to go pee now without all that put in me, how am I not going to pee myself when all the liquid goes in me, the breathing in, hold, was fine, did make sure I was relaxed, despite secretly really needing a pee.

You be happy to know, I didn’t wet myself (this wasn’t test where you needed full bladder, it was just where I was very tired at this point, wanting to get the test out the way, so I could relax and pee, haha, without the fear of missing my slot, as I was the first patient to go in). Afterwards one of the medics made me hot chocolate (oh that was so needed, the sounds I made, haha) and I got given a snack box, food, grumpy Lucy turned into happy bunny Lucy.

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Then there was Cardiac MRI test (seperate day), whilst still inpatient there, this time went to complete different hospital, one not heard of, as previous one knew of as use to go there to see my rheumatologist consultant (don’t see him now). I’m now thinking really am ho when it comes to hospitals, including different county hospitals been to whilst away from home, local ones to me, other ones, so another one to add onto my list, St Barts hospital, must say it reminds me of airport inside, it was nice, lovely old buildings outside. Sadly no pics for this one, as the nurse and I was confused where to go, once again nil by mouth, so grumpy Lucy again, however not so, as had time to freshen up, get dressed, but this time hospital transportation was taking it’s time. At least wasn’t wait when arrived at hospital, they got straight to it, friendly staff. Guess what again, I’ve had MRI’s before, so thought I knew what to expect, nope saw liquid bags again, hmmm.. What now, they explained about the dye in me, that’s fine, the next bit oh hell no. Maybe it’s good thing didn’t know before, they put liquid in that speeds up your heart beat like ridiculous amount, oh forgot to mention, the breathing in, hold and out was too fast for me, with my asthma, my chest was finding it hard. The kicker and what pushed my body to have non epileptic seizures, was the heart rate one mentioned earlier, it was awful, wasn’t painful, just very uncomfortable, uneasy, just feeling like your body is out of control, double whammy for me. That was it, as soon as the test was done, as I know MRI are mega expensive, wouldn’t want to do it again, waste time and money, so done what I could. From there was blur, woke up in hospital bed, in their hospital bay, very worn out. Left in the morning, got back to the ward in the afternoon, as had to be observed until they released me back to the ward (thankfully had nurse with me whole time, so had help).

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So tired, stayed in my hospital gown, after this pic, ate, not sure if had more non epileptic seizures once back, as it was just haze by that point, just crashed out. Later on the canola got covered up.

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Normally I would have full information on the test, even google it, if had too, via letter in the post, however as inpatient I wasn’t in the full know of everything, I was just done as I was told, I didn’t ask questions, as knew was in the best care.

By the way the tests came out clear. I do have outpatient appointment in the cardiology department however that’s more local. Hope haven’t bore you with my come along hospital appointments, via being inpatient. It be interesting now when I do go to hospital appointment/tests, how I will be. In hospital I’m chilled, very blasΓ©, when outpatient it’s different story, I’m anxious night before, not about if have something wrong, just silly things like will I be too early, will the wait be ages, how will I feel afterwards, ok, more pain, tired etc, just going hospital, meh.. So do find it funny how I’m two different people when home and when inpatient.

PS- Please let me know, feedback, if you like these blog posts. I know my blog can come across like yo yo, however I enjoy making this blog about everything. Little something for everybody.

Birthday Highlights 2017

Yes I know my birthday was in July, and I’m talking about it in August, I am just keeping the memories alive, haha.

So what did I do exactly, well…..

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On my actual birthday, partner and I went to Central London, and went SHOPPING!!!! I know you must be thinking, is that it, that’s nothing special, well for me it is, I don’t go out shopping all the time, I don’t pamper myself, like get my nails done, nor do I even go to the hair dressers, so yes I get to splurge a bit with the money that’s given to me by family both from mine and my partners parents. Go out for meals, have a drink or two, and just feel normal. My birthday was split between two days, onΒ my actual birthday day and the following week Friday part two celebration, as have to space out activities so gives me time to rest in between, so could fully enjoy it.

My birthday- Stroll around Central, my poor partner pushed me for miles, don’t ask me how. Art Box shop, unfortunately no ramp, thankfully I can walk a bit, wasn’t tired at the time, so walked up the steps, wasn’t happy there wasn’t a ramp, there was no offer with help either, cool shop, but needs to think about disabled people, as we love to shop too, I used my wheelchair as support whilst in the shop, as got tired did need to sit in it, which did block up people’s view to some of the items, which was awkward. Stopped off at Chinatown, what’s happened to it, places are shut down, gone, it’s changed, not the for the better sadly, it was place loved going too growing up, even in my teens had dates there, I don’t know maybe it’s revamping, but yeah the shops I liked there all gone, street food none, who knows what’s going on. We visited the new Lego shop that’s opened at Leicester Square, gotta love Lego. My inner child jumped out even more in Hamleys, that was it lost me, in Sylvanian Families heaven… Then the adult in me jumped out once in Selfridges, it was the first time for my partner and guess what, he loved it, which I’m glad of. What made it even more nicer is the fact, staff was helpful in guiding me where the wheelchair could go, apologised for the parts it couldn’t, like sincere ones which means a lot, they didn’t make me feel like I was inconvenience like some shops can. Oh forgot to mention about Hamleys lifts, clearly stated for disabled people and prams, unfortunately people didn’t follow the rules, causing me to have to wait for ages for a lift several times, which was unfair, guess what didn’t offer to come out for us to go in, often people looked down at me, couldn’t care less carried on using the lift, which infuriated me, I thought to myself access to stairs, escalators everywhere, wouldn’t take you long, more effort to find the lift and use them. I don’t know, didn’t get it myself. Moving on visited couple of other shops, hadn’t been in Forever 21 in yearsss, so it was cool to check out there a bit. Had a meal. On my part two got to enjoy Happy Hour, aka Cocktail time at Caribbean restaurant, had food, this time kept it local.

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What I got for my birthday, nice haul of goodies πŸ™‚ I always appreciate, as I’m someone who’s grateful when someone says Happy Birthday to me, so cards or pressies are a bonus, or if you feed me that count too (not literally spoon feed me food of course, cooked meal, baked goodies, taking out for a meal). I like to wish Happy Birthday to those birthdays coming up, hope it’s good. Any summer babies out there like me, who reads my blog, I’m curious, shout out πŸ˜‰ x

 

Birthday Outfit Of The Day/Night

It was my birthday on the 20th July, I turned 21 again, ok maybe not, as that’s a far fetch, more like 32. Have been told recently I look 35 which I thought, cheers, actually said older at first, have had older sometimes, some guess right, some guess younger, so can’t really say oh yes I look young for my age, if go by some public views. Anywho as it was my birthday, made an effort with my face, make up, kept my outfit casual as knew be out for the day which turned into evening which turned into late late night, all will be revealed more in my highlight birthday blog post soon (nothing crazy before you think it was wild, haha). So I needed to be comfortable. You may of seen this pic already on my instagram, be sure to follow (in my side bar).

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Gave me excuse to do eye make up, as I like doing my eyeshadow.

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I love the disabled toilet in Hamleys, made me feel like part of a set in Disney, inner child of me loved it. Made me wish more disabled toilets were more exciting, more buzz, interior. This has gone my disabled toilets I like list, I have couple on there already on my list.

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It wouldn’t be outfit without Hello Kitty, here it’s in form of hair band. My Betsey studs had for years that was gift from family/friend. My rosey cheeks it’s MUA blusher.

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Bangle limited addition ‘Tree Of Life’ I bought it from Warren James, I’ve gotten a lot of compliments, almost wish I was getting commission on it, ha. This was present to myself for going to neuro rehab for 4 weeks, bought it just before went in, it holds big meanings behind it, not only that, was my comforter while in hospital, that be separate blog post as connected with anxiety and my functional neurological disorder. My beads, featured on my blog before (partner bought it from buddha), costume jewellery sparkly bracelet, sticky wraps on my nails (from penpal years ago) and of course my engagement ring (yes I don’t speak about it on here, nor my social media, we have been for years, please don’t ask questions about it, as I am private about it, my family can vouch for that, so no asking the dates, but it will happen).

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The leggings are old, my juicy couture bag is very old, the footwear is Vans bought as birthday present from my partners parents last year or the year before I think.

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Meet the Sylvanian Families, yes I’m part of it, thanks to my partner taking the pics, suggesting this spot, because he thought the pic would look cute, which I’m glad he did. I LOVEEEEE the Sylvanian Families, (may have little collection, just small one, what, don’t judge me) I’m just waiting for invite by them any day now. I’m here πŸ™‚

The rest of the outfit old Calvin Klein hoodie, kimono dress charity shop, top H&M sale. There you have it my birthday outfit. Hope you like my chatty blog posts, I am trying, if you knew trying to type through my FND symptoms, one of them having your hands shake trying to control it, well the best you can, as did want to blog last week, but just couldn’t physically do it. I’m not telling you this, to feel sorry for me, example I have to take breaks, as my body could violently jerk, causing damage to the laptop which is big no no. Sorry lost train of thought, that comes with all my illnesses haha, unfortunately.

One year older, one year wiser I hope πŸ™‚

Hospital Highlights

I know you must be thinking, looking at the title like what, is that possible. Well yes it is, where I stayed it wasn’t your typical traditional ward, there was separate rooms for dining in, where we ate all our meals, a TV room to watch your programmes granted you would have to work out the time slots, which sometimes got blurred so wasn’t granted every time, so would either catch up the next day via the apps on my iPad or wait until I was home, as hospital wi-fi was slow, or drop off completely. But can’t complain as it was free wifi, like I said it wasn’t your typical ward. Oh forgot to say I’m home now, returned back Friday evening. I was in neurological rehab for four weeks, completed the multi-disciplinary rehabilitation programme for functional neurological symptoms. It’s mouthful isn’t it, I will focus more about the actual programme in different blog post, might even share some of my goals if I’m feeling in the opening sharing mood. As it’s important to bring awareness, on FND. However adjusting to real life, won’t lie is bit tricky, I was warned to give myself two weeks to adjust by the Doctor on the ward. So thought it be nice time to look back on good times, crazy times, the not so great times but still had running joke linked to it. And the bonds I made with people whilst there, that will continue on.Β 

Following pics are the view from my window, I always loved looking into the square (garden), watching the world go by, escapism, prime estate of London (Central London), funny thing is there is no way I could afford to stay there, a hotel, live there, way too expensive, so I felt even special just staying there, no word of lie, just keeping it real, minus the fact I was in hospital though, minor detail, lets look above that, haha. Although having scalfolding, builders everyday was NOT a highlight.

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Why is me having ice pack in pillow sack a highlight, well after having non epileptic seizures falling off the bed, my body, my knees was more painful at the time. Getting ice pack, getting it in the freezer, then getting the actual ice pack would take ages, so in the end the nurse was like just keep it with you, if and when you need it, instead of running around trying to find one, waiting around for each step.

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I do apologise for the poor quality, my phone didn’t want to work with me, plus trying to sneak a pic in without staff noticing, I was busy being my own pap, a rubbish one for my own sketch, placed on a wall.

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Incase anybody didn’t know, I let them know, this wardrobe right here is mine, it was just so people didn’t get confused, and I didn’t, as I can get easily confused, so making things familiar was big thing for me.

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My last night, may have had accident, pulled down the curtains by accident, whilst trying to close the curtains, it may of fell off, and may of had one curtain at the end of my bed, making my room very pinterest, interiors dream, just adding that flare.

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What real bedside table/drawers looks like in hospital, with splash of me, from must haves, to having things that’s familiar, things I like, as it was important to make it my safe haven, the cards was on my last days.

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The laughter we had. Getting to know people, making friends. You know it’s not pic, if not making silly faces πŸ˜‰

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My farewell/ birthday celebration meal, ladies from my room treated me/us, it was funny getting pizza delivery to hospital ward, we had giggle about it, really nice as it was dead on 7 days before my actual birthday. The food went down a treat πŸ™‚

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Without getting out of character being mushy, haha. Never would have thought I would make bonds, let alone one so tight, that we clicked straight away, we got each other, and we was part of each others stay. Was defiantly huge part of my highlight, thank you Jody.

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Theres more I could add, but you get the gist of it, don’t wanna bore you too much. Those who made my stay easier, know who they are, and ofcourse the staff as well.

Hope you liked my summary of my highlights of my hospital stay.

 

 

Friends??

First of all apologise for my loopysos being bit more dodgy than usual. Currently have dodgy right arm/hand due to me injuring it during dissociative seizure, I’ve aggravated the nerve causing extra pains, yeah… During my confused state couple weeks ago. I will speak more on what dissociative seizures are, and the type of non epileptic seizures I personally have, and what I’ve learnt from the programme, follow up of my inpatient experience in neuro rehab for functional neurological disorder. 

So what’s this post all about, well I’m trying to branch out, stop so being so closed in my bubble. If I’m honest don’t have many friends. Right here I’m opening up, it’s hard to do, but I’m learning that it’s ok to express yourself no matter the situation. I would love to have group of friends/friend I just chill with, go out with, but also be aware of my fatigue, high pain from my illnesses, non epileptic seizures, that I will need breaks, you may have to repeat yourself couple times as don’t always hold information in, find it hard. Just be understanding, be prepared to be cancelled on when feeling extra poorly, or just isn’t physically or even mentally possible. I know I sound a treat, don’t I, but I never do it out of spite, don’t be offended, it’s not you, it’s me. I couldn’t resist the cheesy line, but it’s true. 

If you home person great, if you go out out but it’s like once and while great, day trips, little weekend trips, not that I have the money mind you. I know must be bloggers out there, who’s loners maybe, don’t get to socialise due to their job perhaps, or disabled like me, before you say there’s groups out there, I know. But when you wanna picture stuff, or someone take pic of you, it’s like what, why, blog, what’s a blog… My poor partner has to put up with it, who thankfully does take good pics, lucky his not like click done, positioning, location, lighting, yep…

Who’s up for it? Chats, hanging out, outings. Just posting this, has my anxiety going crazy, but I’m trying to tackle it better. Hope there’s a response. Comment in comment section, email me that’s in my All about me section, tweet me, instagram, so can find me on my social medias (that’s on the side bar). If you know someone who might be interested, forward the blog post to them, sharing is caring. Xx

PS I don’t know much about make up, or fashion trends, all the designers, skin care expert, more of ya general lady, if that still ok with you, contact away.. 

Why Am I In Hospital

If you follow me on social media or regular follower of my blog, you would of noticed me saying I am inpatient at a hospital, nothing more, well the truth is I am in rehabilitation programme for functional neurological disorder. Now you thinking what’s that, other names short abbreviations NEAD (non epileptic attack disorder), dissociative seizures. The worst names for it, which I personally hate pseudoseizures which my local hospital called it. Not until went to specialist hospital I got diagnosed with the real term, the one that actually makes sense, doesn’t make you feel like going crazy, that should be sectioned. So many years of being told you crazy, yes I’ve been told that, not being dramatic, and the next one always got from my local hospital just cope with it, no information how to live with it, just deal with it. So many years of missed information, no education about it. 

Then a Central London came to my rescue, listened to me. After my old GP’s fighting for me, as they knew I wasn’t crazy, wasn’t making it up, putting it on. It’s unfortunate had to get so bad, to the point impacts my daily life, here I am. So what it is still wondering, tell us Lucy. It’s not caused by epilepsy/tumour/damage to the brain. So for whatever reasons the messages from our brain to our body (vice versa) doesn’t read correctly, miscommunication. Our body goes into panic mode, and our body shuts off. Is the best way I can explain without getting complicated, going all deep. There are many symptoms, long list. So imagine not being able to control your own body even though mentally telling it to stop. Scary right?!

Right now I am currently in a programme to understand my functional neurological symptoms, education education education is the key, working with moods, anxiety, what triggers the attacks/episodes, coping mechanisms for it, educating you about fatigue as that plays huge part too. That’s like brief of it so far. As it’s full on programme, naturally get tired easily so you can only imagine. I’m shocking myself that I’m blogging, so yes there’s your answer why I’m in hospital, not for surgery, or an injury, it’s rehab for my FND. 

Hopefully me speaking about it on here, will help people understand more, those who have it, feel like there’s someone else like you out there, as can be lonely isolated world, as it’s not none out there in the public. I will speak about it more. 

Ps yes the seizures can look like epilepsy ones, that’s why it can be easily misdiagnosed. And can still do damage like one. I discuss about that in separate post. 

Thank you to those who been asking, if you haven’t but wondered above is your answer. Xx